While speaking to a group of ladies about love, a lady named Shelley said you must love yourself before you can love others. It reminded me of what God had taught me about forgiveness. I had to forgive myself before I could have the empathy to forgive others. I wondered, could this also be true about love? Did I not love myself? God had been helping me overcome selfishness. I assumed that my problem with selfishness meant that I loved myself more than I loved others.
1 Cor 12-14 Love is Essential
I started my morning praying by reading 1 Cor 13 to seek God’s love. Then I remembered that to truly receive a message in the Bible we should read the Chapters before and after it. I read all three Chapters 12-14. It became clear that Love was more than something we seek just for ourselves, but something that is as necessary as the air we breathe. Without love everything we do is useless and noisy.
Where Should I Start?
I prayed to look at my life and see if I truly loved myself. I was surprised to see that I did not have any real love towards myself. I searched through every event that came to my mind and I did not see any feelings of love for myself. Instead, I saw a child acting our of fear, anger, frustration and seeking approval. I saw a child that felt unworthy because people did not respond to her in a way that communicated worthiness to her.
Is Selfishness for Self-Comfort?
Something was missing in my life. My selfishness started to make sense. My selfishness was a desperate move to save myself. If I got what I wanted for a little while I felt comforted, worthy and loved. Selfishness and being self-focused was like an addiction. I realized that Christ took all of our feelings and lack of feelings to the Cross. I could see I have love for God and empathy for others after learning to forgive. Yet, I did not have love for myself and others. How could this be? Why was love missing?
Why Was My Love Selfish?
Even as a child, my love for my parents seemed to be selfish and conditional. I felt I needed their approval and love to survive. My love for Jesus was different because I was grateful for His love. The love I received from Jesus was not expected or demanded. Jesus did not owe me His love. I had not done anything to earn it and I was grateful He loved me. He helped me accept that I did not have to be worthy of His love. He just loved me and He deemed me worthy of His love. Can I love myself and others not because they are worthy or deserve my love?
How Long Would I Be Able to Earn Love?
I cannot earn or reward someone else with everlasting love. Eventually I would grow tired of performing to gain love. This is true of all of my relationships. If my love is conditional, then it is doomed to failure at some point in time. Eventually, I would resent trying to earn their love. This is true for others also; they would eventually resent trying to earn my love. What does God want me to do about this lack of love for myself and others? Is it even possible for people to love through God with an Everlasting and Unconditional Love? I always thought it was impossible for humans to love like God. God reminds me that often we have not, because we ask not. There is only one way to find out if it is possible… Ask and be willing to receive.
My Prayer
Father of Love, please sanctify me in Your Love through Your Son, Jesus. Help me go to the Cross and willingly receive the Everlasting and Unconditional Love of God so I can love myself and then love others. I cannot truly love myself or others according to Your Purpose and Will without Your blessing or help. I am worthy because You have made me worthy through Christ Jesus. I have the Holy Spirit indwelling within me, yet I do not love myself and others without expecting something in return. In Your Holy Word, You tell us to seek Love. God, You are Love. Help me seek You and not the thing or just a feeling called love. Lord God Almighty be glorified as You do something new in me that I cannot even imagine. I place my whole self: heart, mind and soul in Your hands Jesus for you to transform my whole self with Your Love. Help me receive the consequences of this prayer in peace, joy and humility because of Your generosity. Praise You and Your Holy Name, because You are the God of Perfect Love that casts out and transforms those things that are not of God’s Love. Amen.