God had been working on me for a while healing old wounds and in general taking me through His sanctification process. I had been feeling abandoned by God for a few days and I was troubled by my feelings. I had been trying to read a book given to me by my sister, it was written by Rabbi Debra J. Robbins, Opening Your Heart With Psalm 27. It was not going well. I was finding it very frustrating to read, because most of everything I read in this book went over my head. I became frustrated and found my mind wandering as I tried to read. I prayed about my frustration.
God Gives Understanding
Then God reminded me of another time when I couldn’t see what my sister was seeing. This made me think, “Maybe it is a matter of God’s timing?”. A Sermon on YouTube by Rabbi Solomon from Congregation Beth Hallel confirmed to me that we have to wait on God expectantly. As I listened to the Sermon, I began to understand my feelings of Abandonment. I was not waiting on God expectantly. I was looking at my current circumstances and my disappointments were leading to my feelings of abandonment. The Psalm 130 the Rabbi used in His message touched my heart and my feelings started to change for the better and match up with my renewed Hope. Expectant Hope started replacing my feelings of abandonment.
Waiting on God
One portion of Psalm 27 in Robbin’s book actually deals with abandonment and being picked up by God. I had hoped I would gain something from this book because of my occasional feelings of abandonment. Sadly, I grew tired of waiting on the miracle and put the book away for the second time. I finally realized sometimes we just have to wait on God. Psalm 27 was not the Scripture I needed, but Psalms 130 was exactly what I needed.
God Heals
Many years ago, my sister had sent me a song that God was using to bless her. The song was, It Is Well with My Soul. I heard it and for some reason, I hated it. It was like the sound of fingernails running down a chalk board. However, within that year, God took me through a Spiritual Growth process and then led me back to that song and it blessed my soul. I could finally hear and even feel the beauty in it. I could not receive that beautiful song until God accomplished something within me that He was working on. I was just too wounded to receive and appreciate the message in the song, It is Well With my Soul. I suspect this is true of this book too. That memory helped me realize that Psalm 27 was not what I needed at this time in my life however, someday I will try to read Rabbi Robbins’ book again.
Ask and Expect to Receive
Lord God Almighty, sanctify me in Your Holiness and Your Strength through my Lord Jesus. Help me wait on You with Expectant Hope as You do something new within me. You are asking me to not have self-doubt and trust You. Please help me be obedient and praise You for my victory! Your perfect love casts out fear, worry, doubt and any feelings of abandonment. My confidence is in You and Your promises. My victory in Christ is Your victory. Praise You for Who You Are and what You are doing for me and those I love. Thank You for hearing my prayers and having mercy on me. Lord God Almighty, be glorified through all of Your creation and Your children because of Your loving kindness. Amen.