It does not feel good when our faith is tested. It happens to everyone. As I lay in the dark too tired to get out of bed, I started my day in prayer. I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. I felt happy and safe as I contemplated how wonderful God is and told Him how I felt. Suddenly, I saw a dark human-shaped shadow move to the corner of my bedroom window. I wondered for a second if someone was trying to look into my room, until the fear hit me. I opened my eyes from my prayer and looked at the window. I could see there was actually a darkness in that corner of the window. I tried to reason with myself what it could be. I wondered if I had fallen asleep while praying. I was sure I was awake now, but I could not shake the strong, overwhelming feeling of fear. I could not feel God’s Holy Spirit, only the fear.
I tried to pray…
I tried praying to get my peace back and let go of my fear. The fear seemed so powerful, stronger than my faith and prayers. I got out of bed and turned on my bedroom light to read my morning devotional. The message in the devotional seemed to be the opposite of what it intended to convey. It was talking about how God removes an affliction once it has done its good work within us, and we should be hopeful.
Accusing God…
Instead, I focused on questioning the goodness of God’s character for allowing, or even possibly creating the affliction. I could feel how weak my faith felt, and I was afraid I might turn away from God. I felt like I was under spiritual attack by something that was stronger than my faith and prayers. Something had stolen my peace and damaged my faith. I remembered I had put a tall planter in that corner of my window for growing house plants, but realizing the truth still did not ease my mind. Fear still had some kind of strange power over me.
I cried to God…
I cried out to God. This is not fair! How can something be stronger than my faith and my prayers? How can something be stronger than God? Then, I remembered my prayer from last night. I had asked Jesus in prayer, “What do I not know that you want me to know?” I started remembering the thoughts I had while reading on a social media platform about people losing their faith. I realized that I had just experienced what losing my faith might feel like. I realized I had prayed for those people without any empathy. I had not prayed from my heart based on my past struggles as a new Christian. I had only done my duty to pray for those who were struggling. God had just softened my heart towards those whose faith was being tested as new Christians. Sometimes, we forget how much it hurts when our faith is tested.
What can I do?
I began to wonder what we could do against such a strong force of evil when our faith is being tested. I remembered how I grew stronger as a new Christian when I prayed for God to give me the whole truth, to help me hold on to it, and to root it in Him. I know too well that fear, worry, doubt, and conditional faith are all strong tools the enemy of God uses against us, time after time. Even when we think our faith is strong, we can still be tested and suffer. I grew stronger in my faith as I prayerfully worked towards having an honest personal relationship with Jesus, the Holy Father, and the Holy Spirit as God. By seeking to learn who I am in Christ Jesus, I became stronger in my faith. It was that personal relationship that helped me hold on, even as I questioned God’s character and our relationship, and as my faith was being tested. Honest prayers and asking for what we need will lead to our spiritual growth. Sometimes, we forget spiritual growth is a process, just like growing from a baby into an adult.
Prayer and Scripture reading are essential…
Prayer and Scripture reading are essential for a stronger faith. We need faith and knowledge. If we don’t like reading, we are blessed to have audio recordings of the Scriptures available. YouTube also has Scriptures that we can listen to when we are too tired to read. God gave us the Bible because we need it. Sometimes, we are so focused on our circumstances that we can’t hear God. Sometimes, while we are being tested, unanswered doubts cloud our judgment. God does not test us, but He will use spiritual attacks and our circumstances for our good. Sometimes, we forget that God loves us and can turn our suffering into an asset.
Prayer
Lord God Almighty, help me know who You are, as much as humanly possible. Help me be sure in that understanding and knowledge, so I am strong in my faith. I want my faith to be a strong, true gift from God. Help me know who I am in You and give me a clear, concise answer for why I trust in Jesus Christ as my Lord, Savior, and friend. Help me always remember that even though You are humble and want to have a real, honest, and loving relationship with us humans, that You are still our Holy, all-powerful GOD! In the name of Christ Jesus, I pray for myself and all people whose faith is being tested to have victory in You. Amen.
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