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The New School
Marilyn was almost 6 years old and still didn’t understand much about Easter. She listened as her classmates talked about new Easter Dresses, egg hunts and lots of candy. She knew about hard boiled colored eggs. She loved the idea that she would have new clothes for Easter.
She did know her new address and that she now lived in Brookhaven. Kindergarten had been so much fun. She missed her old school. This new school was filled with bullies. She was used to her younger brother Ricky teasing her, the way siblings do. However, school bulling was different. The meanest bully was her first-grade teacher, Mrs. Long. Marilyn was having trouble making friends. She was too busy trying to be quiet.
The First Day
Marilyn never told anyone about her first day of school. Marilyn’s Dad, had taken her to school in the big Chevrolet. He waited in the car as Marilyn’s mom and brother, Ricky took her to the class. Ricky had stood beside his Mother and was smirking at Marilyn because, he was going home with his Mother. Marilyn was left behind with her new teacher Mrs. Long. This made Marilyn very sad as she thought about the things her brother had said to her during the week.
Marilyn started to cry and Mrs. Long told her to shut up and be quiet. She came over quickly and grabbed Marilyn by the arms and shook her. At first, Marilyn was shocked. She had never been shaken like that before. She stopped crying as she was given a desk to sit in. She remembered her Dad told her children should be seen and not heard. Now she knew what he meant. She believed she should try very hard to never speak or cry again. She knew she needed to be more like her dad.
Mrs. Long was not like most teachers. She had red hair and long red manicured fingernails. Marilyn had never before seen a real person with red nails and red lipstick. Marilyn had learned a lot from TV commercials. She knew there was some taboo about not having red hair and wearing pink lipstick or clothes.
Easter is Coming
Marilyn tried to not think about that first day of school with Mrs. Long. She wanted to think about something nice, like getting a new dress for Easter. She could not remember getting anything new before. If she had, it must have not been special enough to remember. So that idea of getting something new, was something that she was thinking about when she went home. Marilyn arrived home and as usual her mom was washing dishes in the kitchen and Ricky was watching TV. She went to her room because remembering the first day of school made her feel bad. She did not want to be near her little brother.
Marilyn’s mom, Lorraine had carefully packed away both sets of Easter Outfits that her two oldest children had worn. With four children and with only one parent working, hand-me-downs had become a way of clothing the younger children. After David and Becky had outgrown their clothes, she had carefully packed them into her large cedar chest. They had worn their outfits the Easter before their 4th and 6th Birthdays. Easter was approaching quickly, and this year Lorraine would finally be able to pull her favorite Easter Outfits out of storage. She was looking forward to getting Marilyn and Ricky’s pictures taken in these prized Easter Outfits. She had been saving them for 5 years.
She quickly realized she may have waited one year too long for these hand-me-downs. Ricky still did not go to school because of a summer birthday. She had tried to get Ricky to try on His Easter cloths. She was upset that Ricky’s sailor outfit was too small to wear to Church. The pants were too short, and the shoes were way too small. She was upset when she placed Marilyn’s outfit in the closet. She thought perhaps she would still be able to get Ricky’s picture taken in a sitting position. That thought made her feel a little better. Fortunately, Marilyn was in school because Lorraine did not feel up to being disappointed again, should the little yellow dress not fit Marilyn.
Marilyn’s Closet
Marilyn was quiet as she went into her bedroom. However, she could not stay quiet for long. There in the closet was her beautiful Yellow Easter Dress. She was so excited. She quickly went to the kitchen and asked if she could wear it? Her Mother did not turn around as she told her, “No, because you will get it dirty, and it has to be clean for Easter Sunday. “
The Changing Room
Marilyn went back to her room. She started thinking, “Shouldn’t she try the dress on and make sure it fits? “. The idea appealed to her, so she grabbed the whole outfit, white shoes, lacy socks, and the dress. Her mother was still washing dishes in the kitchen. She quietly went out the front door and took the whole outfit outside to the backyard.
She laid the dress on the grass carefully avoiding the fine grains of dirt under the old pine tree. She put the lace socks on and then the shoes. Her bare feet had been dirty and she had tried to dust them off. She stood up and before she could put on the dress, she heard her mother scream. She was still standing outside in her underwear as she looked up for her mother. She heard her mother clearly as she screamed from Marilyn’s bedroom window, “Marilyn Elizabeth, you are in so much trouble!”.
Marilyn knew she was in trouble, so she hurried into the dress. She took the time to walk back and forth enjoying the moment. She felt so special and felt the dirt around her as she walked. It was a strange memorable moment as if the dirt rose around her feet to bow to her beauty. She knew she was beautiful in these clothes and she knew these clothes were special enough for Church. This Yellow Dress was not school clothes or play clothes, it was special.
She knew she was in trouble but she wanted these few minutes to feel beautiful. She continued to ignore her Mother as she was coming toward her with an angry red face. Marilyn didn’t care. She was a beautiful person for one moment in her life. She only had one dress for this Easter, for one day only. She knew that because her Mother had waited too long for her to wear it. It was very short and it was tight.
This was the first time she really felt beautiful. Then she noticed the belt in her Mother’s hands. This was a serious offense. Usually her Mother just threatened her children with a belt. She felt her Mother’s anger as she spanked her all the way into the house. It was worth the spanking and fear as her Mother grounded her in her room.
She was told to think about what would happen when her father got home. Marilyn thought about it for a few seconds, sometimes he spanked and sometimes he didn’t. Marilyn let go of the fear and put on her old dirty clothes, she had tossed aside in the backyard.
She felt something worse than fear growing within her heart. She felt hopeless as her imagination was filled with a future without beautiful Yellow Dresses. She imagined a future where she would never be able to afford beautiful clothes. She believed only beautiful new clothes could make her beautiful.
Learning About Beauty in The World
She wondered, “What else makes girls beautiful?”. Marilyn had been watching a lot of TV and especially the commercials. TV shows were never about poor people unless it was about hillbillies, hobos, or homeless people. Marilyn was happy she at least had a home.
Marilyn felt uncomfortable when she went grocery shopping with her Mother because, people would stop and look at her. The way they would stop her mother would make her feel like a freak. Strangers would often peer into Marilyn’s eyes and say how beautiful her big brown eyes were. She didn’t feel beautiful. She could look at her sister and see that she was different. On TV, the women had blonde hair and blue eyes. Blue eyes like her sister. Marilyn thought her sister Becky was beautiful with her long blonde hair like the women on TV.
The Neighbor’s Beauty
Marilyn was also learning about beauty from the 3rd grade girl across the street. Marilyn had been invited into the girl’s big two story house across the street. She had overheard the adults talking about the other neighbors. They called some of the neighbors poor white trash. They called Marilyn’s family poor white trash. They thought it was terrible that Marilyn’s mom did not work or keep her four children closer to home.
Marilyn compared her home to the neighbor’s home. Their house was the largest house on her street. They had two daughter and the youngest daughter loved to show all of the children her private bedroom with a very large closet. All of the females in her family had a big private closet that had many beautiful nightgowns hanging in it. Marilyn slept in play clothes or large shirts.
She knew from watching TV and visiting the neighbor’s house that she was poor. She was concerned, how could she be beautiful without money? It was impossible to follow beauty standards if you couldn’t afford lipstick. Without lipstick you weren’t a beautiful woman. She needed hope. She could not understand how to be beautiful. She loved feeling beautiful when she wore the Yellow Dress.
The Church’s Beauty
Her Mother and Dad went to different Churches. However, both of her parent’s Churches had rules about what a woman or girl should wear. She remembered that the church had standards of beauty too. She liked that she had to dress like a girl for Church. Sometimes her parents talked about a dress and if it was made properly for church. Church dresses were special. Dresses were not allowed to be too short or anything that might make a man lust. Marilyn wasn’t sure what lust was, but she knew it was a man’s problem. She felt uncomfortable if the men smiled and said she was beautiful.
She did not understand the differences between boys and girls. She saw that her brothers were treated differently. She did not understand why her mother and her family members seem to love boys more. She just wanted to be loved like the boys and to be beautiful like her sister.
Self-Beauty
This Yellow Dress was teaching her about being beautiful and feeling beautiful for the first time. Could it be the color yellow? She knew this was the right color for her. Yellow was the color of light. She wore that Yellow Dress on Easter, knowing it was beautiful and she was beautiful.
She felt bad how she had acted when she saw the dress. She had found the dress ahead of time, ruined the surprise and got the dress dirty. Her Mother had to repair the damage. Wearing the dress would have been a happier moment if she had not rushed to be in it. She would have worn it with pride if she had not grabbed it. She liked having garments that made her feel like a girl! She felt beautiful in the color yellow and she would not allow even a spanking to keep her from wearing that color.
It was not easy being the second daughter. Marilyn usually had to wear her sister’s discards. It would take years before the clothes she admired on her sister would fit little Marilyn. It was frustrating waiting on her sister’s beautiful outfits.
She realized that her Mother dressed her like a boy in play cloths on most days. She loved having pockets like the boys had and she was obsessed with the pockets. If only beautiful dresses had pockets. Sometimes the world is too confusing for a little girl. At home, Marilyn was dressed in clothes like a boy and then she was dressed like a girl for Church.
God’s Beauty
Lord God Almighty, sanctify us in Your true beauty, Your Holiness in the name of Christ Jesus. As human beings we often forget that true beauty comes from inside. Your opinion of beauty is what really matters! Help us remember the story of Queen Esther and that even though she was very beautiful on the outside, that it was her inner beauty she will be forever remembered for. Make us beautiful according to Your purpose and will. Help us walk in beauty beside Your Son, Jesus the Christ of God. The Messiah of God. Lead us to understand who we are in Yeshua, the salvation of the World. Be glorified for who You are and how You make us beautiful starting inwardly and working outwardly. Thank You for helping us see ourselves from Your perspective. Amen.
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