In the Biblical account of Jonah and the Big Fish, the Prophet Jonah refused to obediently preach the message of repentance to Nineveh. Jonah did not want Nineveh to be saved because they were the enemy of Israel. Jonah was afraid he might be successful. Regardless of the reasons why, we also sometimes do not want to follow God because we are afraid of what a successful endeavor would mean for us and how it might be in conflict with what we want to happen in our life.
My Father James
James was such a man that could relate to the fears and concerns of a man called to follow God. His father, Fillmore and grandfather, Jesse had both been Pastors and James was troubled that he had also been called by God to Preach for God. He did not want to do it. He told me that he and his siblings had been judged harshly as children and gossiped about because their father was a Pastor. He said he saw the struggles his father and family went through because of his father’s calling.
Once was Enough
He had preached once as a teenager from the pulpit where his father preached. It was during a time of war. He reminded the people of that Church how he had heard them praying for a Revival where God would cause sinners to repent and turn back to God. He pointed out that everyone should be praising God for the Revival they had prayed for. He pointed out that since the war, they had seen many people return to God and repenting because of the war. He told them that they should even praise God even if their own sons were not spared during the war. The people said his words were too harsh and they did not want to hear him preach again. This is one of the main reasons he did not want to be a Pastor.
The Harsh Truth
He told family members that he would rather have people like him. He could not accept that so many Christians did not understand that they should praise God in all their circumstances. Throughout his life he would point out that people were still not praising God as they should. James never learned how to deliver the truth more gently, he would not humbly allow his father to mentor him. James quickly wished his calling had not become family knowledge. His family tried to encourage him and persuade him to follow his calling as a Pastor. Fillmore tried to comfort his son and mentor him.
Deaf Ears
Fillmore tried to let go of the disappointment that James had chosen to never preach again. He could not let go of it forever. James grew up, went to war and returned to start a family. Years had passed and James had still not relented his decision. Fillmore tried different approaches and to mentor James. Fillmore’s words fell on ears as deaf as those that James had preached to years ago.
The Family Meal
During a family get together with all of Fillmore’s children and grandchildren the subject of James’ calling was mentioned. James was not happy as they assembled in the large kitchen to hold hands and pray over the meal. Fillmore asked James to lead the family in the blessing over the meal. Still angry, James refused telling his father, “I am not a Pastor. You are the Pastor and should lead the prayer.”. Even the grandchildren grew quiet as Fillmore and James argued over who should pray over the meal. I was a young child but, I still remember their arguments that day and the silent questions that flooded my young mind.
Letting Go
Fillmore prayed over the meal and went to the living room as many people started to get their food. Fillmore sat in his chair and knew he had to accept that James had free will and had decided to not follow his calling as a Pastor. Fillmore promised he would never try to force the issue again. He accepted that the gift of following God as a Pastor, would probably skip a generation in his family.
His Choice
James liked finally having his father off his back. He was proud he had stood his ground and had not let his father manipulate him. He had enough trouble with his wife trying to manipulate him. She always had to have her way. Everything had to be done her way. It made him angry to think about how his family always wanted to manipulate him. With his wife it was a daily struggle and since his father had learned that God had called him to preach, he had been on him like fleas to a dog. He had enough of his family trying to tell him what to do. He knew he had free will and his decision was between him and God.
A List of Reasons
James had even told God that very morning as he was trying to get Lorraine in the car for the family dinner, that he couldn’t be a Pastor with a woman like his wife. He had even made a list of reasons why she would keep him from being a good Pastor. He told God she could not be a Pastor’s wife. She was always late and did not drive. He would always be late because of her. She also would constantly gossip with the other women. She did not respect him as the head of the household. She always had to have her own way. She would argue, cry or use manipulation to get her way. His father’s suspected manipulation was the breaking point for James that day.
The Angry Shield
Other family members backed off after seeing how angry James had gotten with his father. His wife, Lorraine made a comment on the way home, but he shot her down quickly with his list of reasons why she would make him a bad Pastor. His anger and list scared her enough that even she would never again even comment on his decision not to preach. His anger concerning this subject became a shield of protection. As soon as he arrived home, he got ready for bed and left his wife to lock up. He was exhausted from the long drive back to Atlanta and the day’s drama.
Dreams
His dream started off relaxing at first. He was riding in a large black sedan. He sat in the roomy back seat all by himself savoring his Camel Cigarette. The ashtray was full of discarded cigarette butts after he had finished chain smoking them. There was a 6 pack of empty glass bottles of Coke Cola sitting on the floorboard that he would return for a refund.
Empty
The tone of his dream changed as he reached for the bottle opener to open another bottle of Coke. He was out of Coke, and he felt so disappointed. He pulled out his worn wallet but, there was not enough money to even get a 6 pack of his favorite drink. He thought about how he could turn in his empties and maybe scavenge for a few on the way to the store. People were always tossing out their empties. He told the driver to go to the nearest grocery store. His wife turned around to talk to him from the front seat. He was shocked to see his wife was the driver and was now looking at him to talk instead of the road. He remembered how impossible it had been trying to teach her to drive. He awoke in a cold sweat.
Nightmares
Lorraine asked him if he had another one of his nightmares. She told him that he had been talking in his sleep about cleaning out the ashtray. He went to the bathroom, and she was lightly snoring when he returned. He headed for a quick drink of his coke waiting in the refrigerator for him. He was worried about going back to sleep. He crawled into bed quietly and hoped he would not have one of his usual nightmares. He often had nightmares from the war as well as a few things he had seen as a young boy.
Storms
He was exhausted at work the next day and hoped for a nap or an early evening when he got home. The car radio warned of a fast-moving lightning storm, and he drove faster. He wanted to get home and make sure all of the kids were home. James always worried when a lightning storm rolled into his county. He had seen a woman die from being struck by lightning and he knew people did not respect the storms as they should. He had even seen his own father disrespect the storm once and got his eyebrows singed when lightning struck the lightning rod on their home.
The Quiet Before the Storm
Lorraine was cleaning in the kitchen; Becky went to bed and the other three children continued watching TV in the living room as James pulled out his worn Bible. James quietly read his Bible and had not noticed the storm was close until he heard the first crack of thunder. He yelled for the kids to turn off the TV and for Lorraine to come into the living room. The storm grew in strength and the windows rattled from the high winds. Lorraine yelled from the living room for Becky to come out of her bedroom and join the family in the living room. She yelled back that she was tired and almost asleep.
Protection
The lightning flashed as the thunder rumbled and James started reading the Bible out loud. The loudness of James’ voice increased proportionally with the intensity of the storm. Even Becky could hear him clearly from her bedroom. She was surprised that she could hear him with the door closed. The thunder shook the house several times, until the quick moving storm left them in peace as quickly as it had appeared. Becky could tell from her dad’s voice that he was afraid. She wondered why he was afraid and remembered her dad and grandpa’s argument.
We Fear People Sometimes
Her dad had refused to pray over the meal. She had wondered why someone didn’t volunteer to pray since her dad and grandpa didn’t want to do it. She had thought about volunteering to do the prayer but, she was too afraid to speak up. She was afraid of the adults. She wondered if her dad was afraid of God. She realized she was not afraid of the storm at all, and she actually felt peaceful. She also realized her dad did not need to read so loudly. She fell asleep thinking about how God sometimes likes to whisper during a storm and her dad could have whispered too.
God is Merciful
James went to bed. Lorraine was still cleaning up in the kitchen. He was grateful the storm had passed through his neighborhood so quickly. He dozed off thinking about how faithful and merciful God is. He dreamed he stood before God the Father and Jesus stood beside him. He was so grateful that Jesus stood so close to him like his big brothers had done for him before. James had a long list of items on a piece of paper. He was ready to discuss why he did not want to preach for God and why he would make a terrible Pastor.
Excuses
James started out explaining how different his personality was from his father, Fillmore. Fillmore was a quiet man that was practical and very serious. James loved to tell jokes and really enjoyed socializing with people. He wanted people to like him, and some people would hate him if he was a Pastor. God was gentle and patiently explained that James did not need to be like his father because God made His people unique, and they are called to be who they are in Christ.
James skipped past a few things about the people and told God his wife Lorraine was not a good Pastor’s Wife. He began listing her faults. God stopped James again and explained that God is faithful and just. He would give James and all of His workers what they need. God agreed that a Pastor needs a Pastor’s Wife. He also explained that a Pastor’s Wife needs a man that will follow God. God explained it would be unkind to give a dedicated Pastor’s Wife a man that refused to follow God.
James understood his list was useless. He knew God was the God of mercy and grace. God reminded James that he was loved unconditionally. James started to cry because he knew that God could make him successful according to God’s Purpose. James just could not trust God enough to bring himself to say yes. James awoke to a fuzzy dream. He had been crying in his dream. He couldn’t remember what he had been dreaming. He only knew it was the saddest dream he had ever had.
It’s Our Choice
Jonah did not want God to be successful through him because, he hated Nineveh, the enemy of Israel. He knew that God would be merciful if Nineveh would repent and turn to God. My sister, Marilyn and I have discussed our dad’s list of reasons he gave us for saying no to God and we have often speculated on his decision. When I compare my dad, James and grandpa, Fillmore lives I see that my grandpa generally had an air of Spiritual peace while my dad had an air of Spiritual discontentment. I would rather live a life of Spiritual peace following God like my grandpa did rather than being Spiritually anxious. I know my dad and grandpa are in heaven now and the point is mute perhaps. However, their lives do serve as examples that we have free will and that God loves us unconditionally.
Sometimes it is a Gift
It’s just sad that my dad rarely knew the kind of peace he was missing out on while here on earth. Dad did not turn away from God, he just refused to preach, and he did have a relationship with God. It was as if he did keep God in his life but, at a respectful arm’s length. As I look back on my dad’s life, I think preaching was meant to be a gift and blessing for him. He just said no thank you to the gift. It was like he had turned down an awesome gift of an all-free expenses paid college scholarship or a once in a lifetime trip around the world.
Self-Indulgent
It is in our human nature to be self-indulgent and take the easier path. We all have a long list of excuses to not do what God wants us to do because, it is going to be hard work. We know we have to change as we learn to walk in step with Christ. We have to become humble with teachable Spirits. Self-indulgent behavior is a short temporary comfort and will eventually lead to an unfulfilled life. Eventually, self-indulgent behavior hurts us.
Prayer for Success
Lord God Almighty, sanctify me in Your holiness in the name of Christ Jesus. Holy Father, I love You and Jesus because You loved me first. Please help me always say yes to anything You ask me to do and walk in obedience. You are the faithful God of miracles. A self-indulgent life is not a healthy satisfying life, and I want to be healthy and satisfied. Many of us have a list of fears and concerns about being successful. I say yes to You because You love me, and You are a faithful, merciful, patient and gracious God. Please take my list of fears and deal with it according to Your plan for my life. You can heal me of all of my fears and self-indulgent tendencies. You can make me whole and help me walk in step daily with Christ Jesus obediently. Please create within me a humble and teachable Spirit. Help me remember Your strength is my strength always because, You are always with me. Be glorified Father as I learn to walk in step with Christ Jesus successfully out of love and faith. Amen.
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