Choosing A Sister
Becky’s mother was pregnant and had some medical difficulty carrying her third child to term. Towards the end of the pregnancy, her parents felt it was finally safe enough to ask Becky if she wanted another brother or a sister. She quickly told them she wanted a little sister with blonde hair. They did not understand that because Becky’s mother, grandmother and aunts favored the only boy in their family, Becky was jealous. Just as the women favored her little brother due to his gender, Becky was also jealous of him just because he was a boy. He was a sweet little boy, but still a boy. Becky felt unloved sometimes and reasoned this was just because she was a girl. She thought if she had a little sister with blonde hair like herself, then she would have someone she could love and that she would be loved in return. She thought if they both were girls and had blonde hair, they would have a lot in common.
My Little Sister
Becky’s little sister was finally born two months after her fifth birthday. She was told her sister was exactly everything she had asked for. She was so happy to hear that she now had a very special sister. She was given the privilege to go to the hospital to see the baby. She was so excited. She walked into her mother’s hospital room and there was a tiny baby in her mother’s arms. However, this was not the baby she had expected. She wondered why they told her the baby had blonde hair. Did they not know what blonde hair looked like? She felt her daddy had tricked her and actually lied to her. Was this another one of his mean jokes? She began to worry that without the blonde hair she might not have anything in common with her little sister. That thought was breaking her heart, but instead of tears, she felt anger swelling up within her.
She Ruined My Sister’s Hair
This baby had dark wet hair that was plastered onto its tiny little head. It looked like a boy with that oily stuff men put in their hair. She hardly had any hair at all. Becky just stared at her speechless until their parents said something. Becky wanted to know where her blonde-haired sister was. She raised her voice in anger telling them, “Her hair is not blonde!” They both laughed and explained that little Marilyn had blonde hair and it just looked darker because it had baby oil in it. Becky was furious now that her mom had made her little blonde sister look like that, like a boy. She yelled for her mother to, “get that stuff out of MY little sister’s hair.” Her parents did not understand her childish behavior. They were not happy with her childish reaction. She was taken home and threatened with a spanking if she did not calm down. She calmed down outwardly; however, she did not trust her mom to take good care of her sister. From this point onward she would always be suspicious of her mother’s good judgement in raising a female child. Becky focused on Marilyn’s hair and it became some kind of special link between her and her little sister.
Time went on and there were not any major issues with Becky’s mother taking care of Marilyn. Becky agreed with her dad’s comments towards her mother during their arguments. Her mother was too slow when it came to meeting her sister’s needs. Becky’s mother had a reputation of being slow. Her sisters, dad and mom often ridiculed her for being easily distracted and slow at getting anything done. They often made fun of her in a joke, because she was a terrible cook that usually would burn whatever she cooked. She had her own way of doing things and got mad if someone tried to tell her what to do. She did things her way, in her own time and would often laugh at people if they tried to give her a hard time.
She Grew in Beauty
Becky’s little sister did have blonde hair like her at first and then it started to get even blonder. Becky thought it was the brightest blonde hair she had ever seen, and she took great pride in knowing she had requested Marilyn’s blonde hair. Becky had not thought about what color of eyes to ask for. Becky had blonde hair and blue eyes, while her brother had blonde hair and green eyes. It was always the hair color people noticed in the children and Becky focused on whatever people complemented and determined that was good about them. Marilyn was born with the blonde hair but with big brown eyes. She was beautiful and strangers would stop their mother and tell her what a beautiful baby girl she had. When their mother started to cut Marilyn’s hair and give her bangs that framed her face, it made her big brown eyes even more noticeable. Becky began to wish she had big brown eyes too.
A few times jealousy tried to rear its ugly head when shopping with their mother. Strangers would complement little four-year-old Marilyn then look at her brothers and then her big sister with a critical eye and a halfhearted complement for the rest of her mother’s brood. Becky always remembered Marilyn was her little blonde sister that she had asked for. That truth helped her fight against jealous thoughts. Unfortunately, there were not any weapons against the self-condemning thoughts that Becky believed. She believed she was not beautiful or special in any way.
Taking Control
Marilyn’s beautiful blonde hair grew quickly. Sometimes too quickly. Marilyn’s parents were packing up to move to the city. Her mom had her own way of doing things and wanted everything done her way. Marilyn began to complain because her bangs were in her eyes. Marilyn’s parents fussed because, Marilyn’s mom was too busy to stop what she was doing to cut a squirming child’s bangs. Their mom had to prioritize the packing of boxes. She did not want her husband just throwing stuff in the boxes. They fussed more than usual. After two days, Becky had heard enough. She was in the 4th Grade, and she was convinced she could do as good a job as her mother in cutting Marilyn’s bangs.
The scissors were in the kitchen easy to reach, waiting to be packed away after the little girl got her haircut. Becky was only interested in cutting Marilyn’s bangs. Marilyn trusted her sister and tried to sit as still as she could. Becky had explained everything to Marilyn, and they were united in their efforts. After the first snip, Becky realized it was not as easy to cut Marilyn’s bangs as expected. The second and third snip was a valent effort to straighten out the crooked first snip. The scream of their mother even brought their father running. Their mother was very upset and yelled at Becky for ruining her sister’s hair. Their father of course thought it was funny and refused to punish Becky. Their mother chastised Becky for ruining her little sister’s hair and their father chastised Becky’s mom instead, telling her it was all her fault. He told his wife if she had just taken a few minutes to do the bangs and waited until after they moved for a whole haircut then the children would not have felt they needed to do it themselves.
The Punishment
Becky did not need to be punished by her father. She knew what her mother said was the truth. She had ruined her little sister’s beautiful hair. Becky felt like the worst sister in the world. Up until this time she always felt like she loved Marilyn more than anyone and could do a better job than her mother when taking care of Marilyn. She decided she would back off and let their mother start taking care of Marilyn. She decided she would not overstep again. Their family moved to the city, just in time for Marilyn to get her Kindergarten Picture made with the shortest ugliest bangs that Becky had ever seen. Over the years Marilyn’s family loved displaying her unique Kindergarten Picture. Becky just saw it as a silent reminder that she had failed her sister and felt so unworthy to be the beautiful little girl’s sister.
Forgiveness
Holy Father of Love, please sanctify us in the name of Christ Jesus. Thank You for helping me to not only remember this after my mother’s death, but for giving me the healing I needed and being able to finally forgive myself and her. I had pushed this so far down I did not realize some of these feelings were affecting my present self as an adult. It was interesting to bond with my sister over these memories. She loved that picture of her with the very short bangs while I hated it. I hope someday to find that picture and see if those bangs were really as short as we remember. I always blamed my mom and most of all myself for that bad haircut. Remembering the chaos of moving to Atlanta, gives me a different perspective. As an adult now, I can see things differently, as I look past my feelings and look at it in the 3rd person. Thank You for helping me see things from an adult perspective.
Jesus thank you for teaching me how to look past the hurt and get another perspective. I can now see there was enough blame to go around for everyone and thus enough forgiveness for everyone too. Jesus, Your words on the cross were filled with truth, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” I can see better now that everyone did the best they could do at that point in time. Please continue to bless us Your children with the healing, mercy and grace You have for us in Your Holy Name. Praise God! Be glorified for Your many blessings and how You restore us in Christ Jesus. Amen.
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